On Self-control: The marshmallow experiment

What if self-control is nurtured from the very early years of our lives?

There is a famous experiment called the marshmallow experiment. In brief, they offered a marshmallow to many 4-year-old children and told them that if they do not eat the marshmallow and wait for a while, they could receive an extra one. Of course some could wait, some others could not. After some years, the same children were interviewed (at 18 years old) and considerable differences were found between the two groups of children.

The children that could resist the temptation were found to:
- have higher SAT scores,
- be more cooperative,
- more self-reliant and confident

While the children could not resist the temptation were found to:
- have lower SAT score,
- be moody,
- less cooperative,
- indecisive,
- and envious

So many good reasons to cultivate self-control on children.

Children are simply awesome :). Have a look to this other video.

Of Awareness and Change

I wish to have much more time to write and let my ideas out, I sometimes fall in darkness and I feel discouraged, thinking that it is perhaps too late to sheer our way, no back, but in between. It is not in my power to change the World, and I am not even sure what we should change to or how to, but what I feel for sure is that a change is needed.

I do not want to say an empathic civilization is unreal, although I have thought about many times especially when I see how much pain, struggle, worry, distress, and disappointments around the World there is. Sometimes, I feel that we are trapped in a vicious circle, it is natural anger governs among humanity and there is no energy left to work on ourselves and try to be nice to others, and look for reconciliation when we struggle every day.

I was thinking that we humans were much more humans when we had nothing, but each other to protect ourselves, and to help each other to find our food, when we were thankful for the sun and rain because we knew that altogether kept us alive ... the stone age.

I am not suggesting we should be back to the caves … I am just saying, we definitely lost something in our long way of our evolution, and as Norbert told me, and told me right … we are not that bad either, we now live much longer, we have defeated disease, have electricity, phones, the internet, etc. I can sit here, listen to music, enjoy my mocha coffee and write while my laundry is being done by the washing machine. Although, we make wars, we, or some of us, still make good things, for everyone.

Michi asked me … so what is your goal?, talking of all these ideas coiling in my head, to learn how to be good? she asked … well, that was a good question :), that is why I love her, she makes me think much more always.

I am an average person (no too good, no too bad :D ) and since I was not endowed with the powers to be “good” the 24 hours of the 365 days of the year, I guess I cannot make of that (“to be good”) my goal. And even, if I get to learn more of self-control and empathy, yet there will be always other people, circumstances, that make me crumble, fearful and feeble, or even worst, defensive and evil.

So … I guess, learning more of empathy and self-control is only a part of my search, the other part, is trying to understand better how, when and why we like to harm others, if I get to understand the other side of the coin, then maybe one day others’ evil trips will not affect me in such a manner that I simply can let it go. That is to a personal level. But, my main goal, well ... hope, which is perhaps the main reason I am blogging instead of simply writing personal notes, is that one day, someone who has the power and the means can notice there is people in the World, like me, looking for changes and hopefully that day, that someone can feel enough motivated to propel a change in our education system.

I was thinking that we need to change our education from kindergarten to University. We need some sort of “laboratory” of moral and ethics nurturing self-control and empathy, theory has been not enough; religion and family have not been either. We need a change, and if ever an empathic civilization can be born, has to be nurture to a world-wide level, from the very early years of our lives, from the time we are not full of worries and immersed within patterns, within our own individual categorization systems. Those same systems that let us think that we know, and do not let us see the World as it is and empathize with it, as Maslow would say.

I have lots to share, and also lots to thank, my ideas get clearer after my casual conversations and e-mail interchanges with friends. Thank you to all of them, I get to tune my ideas and born new ones.

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People in the looking for change:

Thomas H. Benton (January 23, 2011)[link]:

“The real question is how to build an institution of higher learning that is not an incubator of evil. One that cultivates the higher values and steers students away from self-gratification, materialism, and worldly ambition toward a purity of purpose sustained by cultivation of the intellect, discipline, and cheerful self-denial.”

“The modern system of higher education has existed for little more than a century, and its present, decadent form has materialized only in the last few generations.”


Okakura, "The Book of Tea" (1906):

“Our standards of morality are begotten of the past needs of society, but is society to remain always the same? … Education, in order to keep up the mighty delusion, encourages a species of ignorance …”



Image from "Angels" by Morandi