A lifetime training ...

I was checking the key words that people looked up in the Internet and made them land into my blog ... curiously enough, there is a great part of these that have looked up for "Emotions a man worst enemy?".

Although what I have read suggests that emotions are not our worst enemy, there are some occasions that I still feel that way ...

The other day, took only one person to prove myself that I have not yet learned enough of self-control ... I was so frustrated first because of this person's attitude, and later because of my failure ... do not worry, I did not explode or yell or did something I could have later regret ... I simply could not let it go and simmered my anger which later caused me hideous distress :(.

I am afraid that there always will be situations like these, in which I simply wont be able to let it go ... although I try, I sometimes just feel tired loosing my willingness to keep things at ease. By then I wonder why it has to be me the one to be prudent? Why I have to stand people and their recursive abusive and careless behaviors?  YES! MY YIN SIDE HAD EMERGED ...

Fortunately, I can still hear my yang side most of the times. Thinking logically and trying to use my common sense, here are some of  my arguments that I use against myself to discourage my yin :

First. Suppose I decide no longer trying, suppose I reach the extreme point of zero tolerance towards people. It would feel good for a while just saying here and there some little trues, which people often do not like to hear (including myself). This in the long run would make other people label me as bitter, unfriendly and even evil person, and sooner or later this would be reflected in some sort of social rejection towards my person, which would bring up more severe consequences for anybody else but for myself. Because I have chosen to live within a society of men and women, I do not have any other option but to try my best.

Another option is going somewhere nowhere and live in isolation, but since man and women are naturally a social being, and I am not the exception to the rule ... definitely not an option :(

Second. Simmering anger is bad to my health. My mother used to tell me do not get upset you will have white hair very soon or a big sack of gallstones :) ... not sure how much truth there is in her advises, but surely simmering things that make us upset instead of cooling them down or shaking them off, in Goleman's words, is not healthy at all.

( I just found an article [here] that says that those who had less control over their anger also tended to be slower healers ... amazing is not it?)

Simmering ill thoughts is the worst thing ever we can do, it builds up more grudge and anger, it is just like an abyss, it pulls you even more into the dark. As Goleman have wrote in his book "Emotional Intelligence":

"The longer we ruminate about what made us angry, the more 'good' reasons and self-justifications for being angry we can INVENT".

"Anger builds on anger; the emotional brain heats up. By then rage, unhampered by reason, easily erupts in violence ... at this point their thoughts revolve around revenge and reprisal, OBLIVIOUS to what the consequences may be."


Third. It is always possible that things are not as bad as I perceive them. Yes, it could be that I am wrong ... or simply that other people is not doing things to hurt me, harm me or take advantage of me "purposely".

(Obviously this is my very very Yang side talking ... let it be!)

Fourth. I have always have liked challenges and instead of doing nothing I like to persevere in this interesting World of yours ... so why not trying and to think of better ways that can prevent myself of being so affected by other people's evil trips ... challenging, very challenging!

Fifth. I want to be happy :) ... why to distress and bitter my existence for unimportant matters? such a waste of my precious time :)

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I sometimes feel like an alien  ... I think I need like other 2 lives to be a successful emotional intelligent human being ... Gosh!!! it is just like the tea learning ... a lifetime training [ref] :)

-erika